Gandalfian Rhapsody A modern lament for Gandalf
by Elizabeth of Mirkwood
Summary: One of the greatest songs ever created is now merged with the greatest story ever created! Freddy Mercury rocks my world!


(A/N: I do not know whether this idea is original or not. If it isn't...I sincerely apologize. I thought I was being rather innovative and witty. I obviously do not own the godly song "Bohemian Rhapsody." Nor do I own any LOTR characters. Unless owning certain elves in my imagination counts. Warning: If you do not know this song, or even if you do not know it very well, you might miss some of the humor.)

  
  


The shot in the movie after Gandalf has fallen into Shadow. All characters are in their respective places, weeping, pondering....grieving. This is when the music begins to softly rise. Suddenly, the light around them fades, and they are all bathed in separate spotlights.

  
  


Fellowship: (In perfect harmony.)

Was he a real wiz?

Was he just fantasy?

Could cause a landslide,

And kill both you and me.

Sauron opened his eye

And went on a killing spree....

But he's just the bad guy.

He needs no sympathy.

  
  


Saruman made it rain,

Made it snow.

So we went down below.

And he fell to shadow,

Still he is the best wiz to me....

  
  


Frodo:(With the infamous single tear rolling down his cheek.)

To me....

Gandalf.

I just found a ring.

In fire it glows red,

And I fear I'll end up dead.

Gandalf,

Shire was so fun!

But now I fear I hafta go away....

  
  


Fellowship: Ooooh oooh oooooh, etc...

  
  


Frodo: 

Gandy! Ooooooh.

Sauron's got a big ass eye,

But that won't stop your big dramatic death scene.

A single tear I will cry. (Does the single tear again.)

Isn't that so endearing? 

  
  


Aragorn:(Wiping off his sword.)

Too late.

My time has come.

Since you fell down that big hole,

Time for me to take control.

Though your hat was funny,

You had to go!

Had to leave us all behind and fall to doom!

  
  


Fellowship:Oooh, oooh, oooooh, etc...

  
  


Aragorn: Gandy! Ooooh!

Why'd ya hafta die?

In protest I won't was my hair at all! 

  
  


(Boromir rocks out on the horn of Gondor in lieu of a somber guitar solo.) 

(The music turns upbeat. All members of the fellowship do an ommpah-esque bop.)

  
  


Legolas:I see a little fellowship without a man.

  
  


All: He went whoosh.

He went whoosh.

Down the crack we saw him go.

  
  


Hobbits: Balrog breathed some fire.

We ain't in the Shire no more!

  
  


Legolas: Galileo!

  
  


Gimli: Galileo!

  
  


Legolas: Galileo!

  
  


Gimli: Galileo!

  
  


Both: Galileo Figaro!

  
  


Four Part Hobbit Harmony: Magnificooooooo....

  
  


(The music lures many elves of Lorien to the place where the Fellowship is singing. They are led by the strikingly beautiful and underrated Haldir, who obviously feels he deserves a place in the song.)

  
  


Haldir: (Very operatic.) He's just a poor wiz,

Fallen to shadow!

  
  


Other Elves: He's just a poor Wiz!

He's good not bad-o!

Spare him this life and this....monstrosity...? (A/N: Nothing else really fit...)

  
  


Aragorn: Ensued fear in our foe.

But he fell below.

  
  


Pippin: Bismilnah!

  
  


All: No! Why did he fall bellow?

  
  


Lego and Haldir: Fall bellow!

  
  


Pippin: Bismilnah!

  
  


All: Why did he fall below?

  
  


Lego and Haldir: Fall bellow!

  
  


All: Did he fall below?

  
  


Lego and Haldir: Fall bellow!

  
  


All: Did he fall below?

  
  


Four part hobbit harmony: That selfish shmooooooh......

  
  


All: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

  
  


Sam: Mamma mia! Mamma mia!

For my dear Mister Frodo!

  
  


Boromir: The Urak-hi have three arrows put aside for me,

for me!

FOR MEEEEEE!!!!!! 

  
  


(Again, instead of hard rock electric guitar, Boromir rocks out on the horn of Gondor. A large mosh pit ensues. Merry and Pippin are passed around. Just imagine elves moshing. If you don't laugh, you're made of stone.)

  
  


All: So you think that Gandy's scared of Sauron's eye?

Woulda kicked Sauron's booty if he didn't dieee!

Oh, Gandy!

Why'd ya hafta go Gandy!

We miss your mean laugh, and your tacky staff, Mathrandir!

(The music turns somber. Elves hold up lighters, Frodo hold up a glowing blue sting.)

  
  


All: Ooooh, oooh, oooh, etc.

  
  


Frodo: Nothing really matters.

No reason to fight.

Nothing really matters.

  
  


(There is a flash of light. Gandalf appears a la Two Tower's trailer.)

  
  


Gandalf: I'm not dead,

I'm Gandalf....

The white.....!

  
  


Author: Hope you don't think this blows....(Symbols crash and music fades.)

  
  


Curtain


End file.
